Thats a skill issue, never had that problem
(I piss sitting down)
My roommate is greasy and overweight; I want to sit down to pee but that would end up costing too much in bathroom cleaner.
How do you shit?
It’s only when you poo standing that you realize how much you spatter
The cycle of life, and death. Born to shit, forced to wipe.
That first shart is like a shotgun
You mean a shartgun
Bird shot super spread
I’ll allow it
I was going to say shitgun, but it felt too on the nose. You sir/ma’m found the sweetspot [chef’s kiss]
This is Sea Parks reminder to all guests that the first three rows are a splash zone
Slug or buckshot?
You know what don’t tell me I’ll figure it out. First you shoot your slug, then you go buck. Right? That sounds right.
I clean the toilet seat with the blood of my enemies.
I know exactly how bad it is even without being naked from squatting to piss in the woods or in the car. I don’t have a penis though. Ever try to piss in a bottle in a moving car without one? I don’t recommend it.
My mother went on a ladies’ hiking trip, and I’m not sure which one they got (all I know is it was milsurp so if you used one in the service, that one) but they found the female urinal pretty easy to use after the second or third try.
They were new to peeing standing up so I had to do my duty (heh) and remind the group about wind and spatter.
Pshh, I’ve gotten so good at pissing I can curve the stream like in Wanted.
That’s one of the best terrible movies I’ve ever seen.
Terrible movie
Consider yourself lucky that you’re not smoking a cigarette behind a pillar within a 2.4 foot radius of me.
Phew. I don’t smoke, so I guess I’m safe.
Such blasphemy will not be tolerated
This is a good description. I’ve more than once just stared cross-eyed at various pieces of clothing to look for stitching errors.
The Last Peebender.
Aim for the water. The side of the bowl splashes way more
I was once asked why I aim for the water if it’s noisier. This is why
I was trying to find the damn article but I can’t dammit. It’s about how if you put a sticker that looks like a fly in the right spot in a urinal then people will try to pee the fly away. Which keeps piss off the floor.
It’s a legitimate scholarly economics article which is the funniest part. I know the author and he thought he would never be publishing about how to get people to piss straight.
I think I’ve read it before! And I think I’ve seen it implemented in public urinals.
Do you have a copy? If it’s the same paper I’m thinking of he literally left economics because his department started calling him the piss economist after this.
Only mildly related but during COVID I loved the comparison of wearing masks and peeing in proximity to people.
If you’re 1 foot apart, and neither of us is wearing pants, I’ll pee all over you. If neither is wearing pants but we’re 6 feet apart, and the very worst you might get minor splashed on your shoes. If we’re within a foot, and only you are wearing pants, I’ll piss all over your pants. If only I’m wearing pants, I’ll piss myself. If we’re both wearing pants, then it doesn’t matter who pisses their pants it’ll all be contained.
Confucious Say
Always pee downwind.
And aim for leaves. If nothing interrupts the stream by the time it hits the ground, you get splashback
Good point! I’ve probably peed off more boats than in the woods (or yard, as the case may be).
- Always down wind. 2.(If possible) aim for something that can bend while it breaks the stream (something rigid, like a tree trunk, can result in spashback)
I have to say though, whizzing off a cliff with the gals is strangely freeing.
Same thing while wearing shorts tbh. It’s basically a mist rising and covering everything in range of the bowl. A pisst if you will (forgiven if you don’t. I wouldn’t)
Always sit down, it’s better for everyone. Except for urinals, obviously, but you got some other stuff to deal with if you’re naked at a place with urinals.
Or at least just check if you made any mess and clean up.
I swear, if only everyone would sit down…
Always put clothes on before peeing while standing up
Is pee on your clothes better?
Depends if you’re into that sort of thing
You and everybody else.
Never forget your daily splash test while in the shower.
