Went on date last night. Ended up back at my place, had to put Dave in the yard he was being so hyper.
I told Justin if he didn’t behave, he’d have to sleep in the garage again. He’s only four, but he has to learn.
Billy took to pissing all over the walls, so we had to have him killed.
Be humane… say “euthanized”
Eh, better eu than I, Zed.
That’s why I always assume people are talking about their dogs.
Sam just graduated from college and Mary is finishing high school
Me: wow, they have to be so smart! What breed are they?
I caught David humping his sister again.
My sister didn’t really get the concept of names for pets when we were younger. We won some rabbits from a fair once and I named mine Licorice and she named hers Sarah. I’ll never forget the horrified look on my friend’s face when my mom once casually told my sister to, “Take some food out to Sarah’s pen, she’s been kicking at the bars all day!”
Aww, I too had a bunny named Licorice.
I suggest: “my Boss”
My boss keeps shitting in my neighbor’s garden.
My boss keeps scaring the neighbor’s dog. Poor thing crosses the street when it sees him.
My boss ate my neighbor’s canary. My boss got stuck up a tree and the fire department had to get him down.On the other hand, Dick is a legit name.
“My little Dick keep puking on the floor.”
While I know it is, I am constantly surprised about it being a name
Tomorrow I’m taking My boss to have him neutered.
My cousin’s dog is named Grandpa and saying things like “I’m trying to get Grandpa not to lick his balls” or “Grandpa keeps eating shit in the backyard” just never is not funny
I bet there are chuckles from people who know.
Marcus lost his shit again.
- When they get out of the house and you’re screaming their name out on the street, a human name sounds like some terrible drama.
“Kelly! Kelly, come back! Come here, girl! Kelly, where are you? Kelly, I’ve got treats!”
I had to pry [Jennifer] out from between the couch cushions where she wedged herself the other day
(True story about our ball python)
Haha, I specifically bought a couch with removable cushions because of this.
Username checks out, I guess, though I’m not sure how you’re typing this or how you paid for the couch.
I’m typing on my nice mechanical keyboard, as is standard for software developers.
Although getting new gigs has been hard recently. Potential employers always look so disappointed when I show up to job interviews.
Reminds me of this Brooklyn Nine-Nine cold open about “Kelly”.
How dare you ask that!
Sorry, Tina is missing since this morning and i have to leave early to find her.
get home, shake snacks package, Tina appear out of nowhere
Goddammit Peter! Quit sniffing her butt!
Danny’s eating his shit again. I can’t wait until he grows out of that.
They’re supposed to grow out of that?
I’m not a vet, but I’ve been told coprophagia can be caused by a series of reasons like a nutrient deficit.
It is also why some birds may crack their eggs and eat the shells.
Paul climbed on top of the refrigerator and he keeps hissing at me every time I open the freezer.
Paul? What a ridiculous name for a cat.
That’s a people name!
