ROANOKE, VA—Local claims adjuster David Seaborne, a devoted husband and father of three, died Tuesday at the age of 37 following a long and painful personal battle with a 512-pound eastern lowland gorilla.
This is one of the best Onion articles ever. Read the whole thing.
General Electric used to have a big factory in Roanoke, so I’m guessing the gorillas are a result of industrial pollution from some sort of superfund site that has yet to be cleaned up.
Also, anyone notice that this took place in Roanoke, VA? Where they’re especially known for gorilla attacks?
General Electric used to have a big factory in Roanoke, so I’m guessing the gorillas are a result of industrial pollution from some sort of superfund site that has yet to be cleaned up.
G.E. Corporation = Gorilla Experimentation Corporation.
Wake up sheeple!
Gorilla infestations again!