• @[email protected]
    link
    fedilink
    1256 days ago

    I’m not sure how anyone could get past the second line and not start reading it in Trump’s voice.

    • @Death_Equity
      link
      106 days ago

      At this point I only hear impersonations of Trump; I read it and heard Shane Gillis as Trump.

      • @DogWater
        link
        26 days ago

        I walked in here, I said: woooow whatta big room!

    • @uberfreeza
      link
      25 days ago

      I actually didn’t read the name first, but while reading it I thought, “this reads a lot like Trump.”

    • @Mango
      link
      36 days ago

      I had no idea. I was laughing so hard the whole way through and didn’t realize it was Trump until I got to the comments and laughed so much harder. 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🙂‍↔️🫠💀

  • @[email protected]
    link
    fedilink
    77
    edit-2
    6 days ago

    what a great essay. a great essay.

    i knew this student, very smart. i knew him and he said umbrella you- i am a real patriot (and there are real patriots) and he said umbrella- umbrella is the most upvoted user on lemmy. what i was told- they know you are much bigger than the second one by far. great. you are doing a great job.

    • @DogWater
      link
      55
      edit-2
      6 days ago

      His name’s on it lol

      • @DrGiltspur
        link
        396 days ago

        What’s hilarious is that even if you didn’t notice the name on the paper (I didn’t) you still know immediately who this is mocking.

        • Constant Pain
          link
          116 days ago

          Didn’t see the name but recognized the style.

          • themeatbridge
            link
            66 days ago

            I didn’t notice the name, but I got about halfway in before I started to wonder why it sounded so familiar.

        • @DogWater
          link
          56 days ago

          Yeah I didn’t realize it was a quote at first, but I knew exactly who it was supposed to be.

      • @[email protected]
        link
        fedilink
        56 days ago

        LOL I definitely didn’t notice that first and went, “wow, did this kid really plagiarize Trump?” And then looked at the name… So sorta.

        • @DogWater
          link
          46 days ago

          Haha it’s funny how annoyingly easy it is to tell a trump rambling

    • @[email protected]
      link
      fedilink
      39
      edit-2
      6 days ago

      I’m pretty sure it is literally a transcription of a trump speech…

      Edit: oh fuck, I just noticed the name on the paper is also Donald Trump… Lol I guess I “ate the onion”.

  • Colonel Panic
    link
    fedilink
    English
    926 days ago

    People come up to me all the time and tell me how great my report on Gettysburg was. Great people. Best report they’ve ever seen. And they’ve seen a lot of reports. And they tell me mine was the best they’ve seen. But the crooked evil liberal teachers keep persecuting me and try to say my report wasn’t good. They try to give me an F, but I tell them it’s an A, because that’s what my papers get, because I’m the best student. Best student people have ever seen. Smart people see me and say that is the best student that has ever been. Make school great again!

  • Lemminary
    link
    1397 days ago

    It’s the greatest essay I have ever seen, folks. *accordion hands*

  • @saltesc
    link
    1177 days ago

    Transcriptions of Trump are often 200 word sentences muddled with em-dashes as new thoughts appear, sometimes eventually coming back to the original point and finally coming to rest with a period.

    • @[email protected]
      link
      fedilink
      306 days ago

      Folks, let me tell you, Goldilocks. Goldilocks is a fantastic story. Tremendous story, okay? She walks into the house, right? And there are three bears. Can you believe it? Three big, beautiful bears. She tries the porridge. First one, too hot. Way too hot. Who makes porridge that hot? Disastrous. Then the second one, too cold. Nobody likes cold porridge. It’s just wrong. But the third one, folks, it’s just right. Perfect. Tremendous porridge. The best. But you know, what Goldilocks did, breaking into that house? It’s a crime. But the media doesn’t talk about that. But you have to wonder, are those bears even here legally? We need to know who’s coming into our country. And that’s why we need our great police officers, they’re tremendous. They’re doing an incredible job. But the media, they don’t want to talk about that. They want to focus on negativity. So unfair. We’ve got to support our police, folks. They’re the ones keeping us safe from those rioters, from Antifa. Just terrible people, really. And what about our Second Amendment rights? The right to bear arms, folks. Very important. We have to protect that.

      And let me tell you, if those three little piggies had been allowed to arm themselves, maybe they’d still be here today. Imagine that, I mean the first little pig builds his house out of straw. Not good. Devastating. The second pig, sticks. Better, but still not great. If they had proper protection, maybe the wolf wouldn’t have been such a problem. Just think about that. So, the third pig, he’s smart. Genius. He builds his house out of bricks. Solid bricks. Huge house. Tremendous. The wolf comes, and he huffs and puffs. But he can’t blow it down. Can’t do it. Just like the border. We need to build that wall. Keep out the bad guys, the criminals, the drugs. We can’t have them pouring into our country. Just can’t have it. And this pig, he stands up to the wolf. Defeats him. Wow. It’s symbolic, you know? It’s about migrants, so many. The wolf is the story, it’s the threats coming over our border. And we need to be like that third pig, building big strong defenses. Solid defenses. Making sure we’re protected. And the pigs, they all end up in the brick house, safe from the wolf. Wow, like we need to keep our country safe from all the threats out there. Tremendous story. The best. And we’ve got tremendous people.

      • @[email protected]
        link
        fedilink
        386 days ago

        Sorry, but that’s utterly unrealistic, it’s vaguely comprehensible, coherent and there is some logic to how the points link together.

        You’re clearly an intelligent adult, and so I’m afraid that the only way you could hope to emulate the original is by giving yourself significant brain damage, moderate alcohol poisoning and a topic you know nothing about, then writing three different paragraphs, mixing the sentences together, removing random words and scattering in some arbitrary pauses. Please don’t though, both for your sake and the favt that we already have enough verbal diarrhea in the world.

        • Flying Squid
          link
          206 days ago

          Actual example:

          Look, having nuclear — my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart — you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I’m one of the smartest people anywhere in the world — it’s true! — but when you’re a conservative Republican they try — oh, do they do a number — that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune — you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged — but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me — it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are — nuclear is so powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what’s going to happen and he was right, who would have thought? — but when you look at what’s going on with the four prisoners — now it used to be three, now it’s four — but when it was three and even now, I would have said it’s all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don’t, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years — but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us, this is horrible.

          https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/donald-trump-sentence/

          • @[email protected]
            link
            fedilink
            106 days ago

            You owe me some fresh brain cells, many of mine spontaneously underwent apoptosis to avoid reading that. How does anyone, no matter how under his spell, hear or read that and not immediately assume he’s had a complete mental breakdown?

            • Flying Squid
              link
              86 days ago

              You want to know what’s really bad? He said that in 2016 and he was still elected.

        • @[email protected]
          link
          fedilink
          76 days ago

          Thanks for the notes, I found it was surprisingly difficult to emulate the style. The above was already after several rounds of nonsensification and I was thinking I had gone too far but on reflection should have gone further.

          • @[email protected]
            link
            fedilink
            56 days ago

            Take pride in the favt that even when you try, and think you’ve gone too far, your attempt is still so far above the word vomit he produces.

      • @rwhitisissle
        cake
        link
        26 days ago

        Needs more completely unrelated self-aggrandizement and nationalistic pandering.

    • @800XL
      link
      317 days ago

      There is no point. He just repeats a topic sentence, randomly hurls insults or says things that scare him as a human fart, and then repeats the topic sentence again. People on the same mental level think it’s prophetic because mentally they aren’t equipped for thinking.

    • @[email protected]
      link
      fedilink
      16 days ago

      He’s literally just a babbling old man, if he weren’t one of the most important political figures in the country, he’d have been quietly confined to a home for Ivanka to take over the brand after her brothers fearing for their lives graciously bowed out of any race to take over the org amidst dear father’s “sudden yet consensual retirement.”

  • @rsuri
    link
    1006 days ago

    The craziest part is he read this off a prompter

    • @ramenshaman
      link
      376 days ago

      I’d like to see what was actually on that prompter.

      • @theangryseal
        link
        256 days ago

        Gettysburg, wow. (Improvise me boy. Remember, Robert E. Lee not in favor)

      • Liz
        link
        fedilink
        English
        156 days ago

        Imagine being his teleprompter controller and having to wiggle the text up and down in a vain attempt to get his attention back.

    • @danc4498
      link
      English
      196 days ago

      I thought the joke was that this was written by AI. But it’s worse.

  • @[email protected]
    link
    fedilink
    496 days ago

    Love “never fight uphill, me boys, never fight uphill!”

    I’m picturing Lee with a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder.

    • @MacAttak8
      link
      116 days ago

      Robert E Lee x Mr. Krabs mashup

      • @PugJesusOP
        link
        English
        106 days ago

        “Mr. Lee, why do you like slavery?”

        “Money!”

        • @JargonWagon
          link
          35 days ago

          I kinda want this to be a thing, like a SpongeBob special doing their own weird version of the American Civil War.

  • @iarigby
    link
    626 days ago

    I was about to write that it’s not funny when the child has an obvious and quite severe learning disability, then I read the comments and the name. Speechless.

    • @[email protected]
      link
      fedilink
      85 days ago

      To me it was the reverse. At first it was like haha the kid didn’t pay attention and is now trying to weasel out hoping the teacher won’t notice. Totally relatable. But then I looked up the name and the speech it’s referring to and… oh god… they’ve put an imbecile in charge of the most powerful country in the world, holy shit, that’s TERRIFYING.

      • Cethin
        link
        fedilink
        English
        25 days ago

        A narcissistic imbecile, so it’s even worse than that.

    • @[email protected]
      link
      fedilink
      316 days ago

      I only saw if once you pointed it out. But I was going to comment that is what kids learn from Trump. Being a vague as possible, speaking without saying something.

  • volvoxvsmarla
    link
    fedilink
    336 days ago

    I only got it at “no longer in favor”. That’s when it clicked. Before that it just read like a student who had to write a one page essay on a topic he knew nothing about and tried to fill the lines.

  • Flying Squid
    link
    316 days ago

    Looks to me like they knew exactly what to do with that student.