Only one time use.

Think of like world leaders, celebrities, ya know 😉. Are you gonna make them do some embarassing things, or illegal acts.

My answer:

spoiler

Take control of an NSA agent with access to the most powerful hacking tools, hack everyone’s phone, install a program that randomly have a popup at random intervals, the popup message says “I’m watching you”. This also tries to spread itself to any other phone it can connect to. Pure chaos 😈

Pretty sure I can do this in a minute, depending on how good the NSA tools are.

  • @NineMileTower
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    361 month ago

    People are going to say Trump and Putin and all that shit, but I’m going to control my boss and have him double my salary.

    • snooggums
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      121 month ago

      Only thinking of yourself, tsk tsk.

      • @NineMileTower
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        81 month ago

        We’re at a point in world politics where taking out one person isn’t going to change much anyway.

    • aramis87
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      61 month ago

      Ooh - Jeff Bezos, and some way to irreversibly triple every non-executive Amazon worker/contractor’s pay, plus full healthcare. He can afford it and Amazon has enough direct and indirect workers that it’ll be felt throughout the country and the economy, and other companies will eventually be forced to compete, raising living standards for most people (and increasing tax revenue).

      End with a tweet supporting an inflation-linked living wage, Medicare for All, and UBI.

    • @[email protected]
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      31 month ago

      Sounds good, but what’s to stop them from changing it right back once the minute is up?

      • @NineMileTower
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        71 month ago

        I’ll give myself a raise and then self-immolate him. No takesy backsies.

  • @AbouBenAdhem
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    1 month ago

    Make the Pope announce his conversion to Buddhism (and declare it an infallible doctrine of faith, ex cathedra).

    • Uriel238 [all pronouns]
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      41 month ago

      Oh that’s a good one. Get the pope to pass a bull offering everyone salvation, past, present, future, fictional, factual, human, animal, spirit.

      They’d reverse it quickly, but it would be too late. It happened.

      And because the Holy See has ecclesiastic jurisdiction (as we all learned in Dogma ) then it would totally count. Heaven for everyone.

      And if there are angels in Wisconsin cursed by God and breaking divine infallibility unmakes the universe (it doesn’t) then the world would end.

  • @[email protected]
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    231 month ago

    Okay, I’ve had a nice nap, so here’s the answer: I’d take over Putin’s body, demand the nearest person’s gun, and rid the world of him (Putin) once and for all.

  • HubertManne
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    231 month ago

    I would save it for an armed person protecting a full cabinet meeting after january 15th.

    • ERROR: Earth.exe has crashedOP
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      1 month ago

      Fox news be like: “DEMOCRAT DEEP STATE ANTIFA SLEEPER AGENT…”

      Edit: Btw inauguration is Jan 20, you got your dates mixed up

      • HubertManne
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        111 month ago

        yeah better make it febuary just to be sure. thanks. that could have been a disaster if I had gotten superpowers or a genie wish.

  • slazer2au
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    201 month ago

    Not a lot you can do in one minute. Maybe a tweet? so would have to take the muskrat.

    “After a discussion with president elect orange turdball I will be shutting down X January next year, you can find me over on Truth Social”

    Then sign him out of twitter from each device in range.

  • @GreenKnight23
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    201 month ago

    take over Trump on inauguration day just as he’s about to take the oath. claim the election was rigged in my favor by the Russians and everyone I know was in on it also that I’m (he) a Russian spy. call all magas mentally retarded and they should drink bleach to cleanse the world of their filth.

    finally take a swan dive down the stairs and break my neck.

    • @EtnaAtsume
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      430 days ago

      The best part of this would not be the act itself but the insane mental gymnastics that Americans would put themselves through to deny or justify it so as to result in, ultimately, no change at all.

    • @TheBraveSirRobbin
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      31 month ago

      finally take a swan dive down the stairs and break my neck.

      Think you’d even be able to get his feet off the ground?

      • @GreenKnight23
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        21 month ago

        The human body is amazing and has limiters that stop one from pushing too hard.

        in times of great stress an individual can push past those limits.

        Every fiber of my soul would be screaming to get out of that sack of shit, even if it would blow out his ACL’s, I would ensure that fatass would at least get 10 good inches off the ground.

  • @wabafee
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    151 month ago

    Make Putin jump through a high rise window.

    • JackFrostNCola
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      101 month ago

      Ah i see we think alike. Except i would have it during a live video and make it look like he ‘accidentally’ topped out. People would be like “he… he actually just fell out of a window”

      • @Agent641
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        21 month ago

        It’s a real problem, these high windows

      • @wabafee
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        41 month ago

        Gotta keep the tradition you know 😉

    • @Agent641
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      31 month ago

      Wait til I know he’s having a summit with KJU and blam him first, then any generals standing nearby, then self

    • ivanafterall ☑️
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      61 month ago

      Takes Over NSA Agent

      Logs Into Desktop

      Clicks Start Menu

      The End.

  • Stern
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    101 month ago

    Inb4 and during Trump + gun

    • ERROR: Earth.exe has crashedOP
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      41 month ago

      Nah, won’t do shit except cause more chaos and Vance would invoke insurrection act. Not remotely worth it.

      Have Musk denounce trump would make it more funny.

      • Stern
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        61 month ago

        Vance doesn’t have Trumps cult so he wouldn’t be able to get away with any sort of Trump stuff. He’d try of course, but deffo get a lot more pushback.

        • aramis87
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          11 month ago

          Vance is an opportunist and would cheerfully go along with the Project 2025 folks in order to be their figurehead and grab a bunch of loot. And they’d be happy to have him as a figurehead, so long as he does what they tell him to.

    • stinerman
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      21 month ago

      The actual problem here is that it’s not clear when he will be near a gun to the point that someone could do that. You only have a minute. Is Trump within a minute’s range of a gun and would not be stopped by his security detail if he tried to use it?

      • Stern
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        21 month ago

        My thought process is: Turn to security guy, say, “gib gun plz, pres order”. Offhand I dunno if they’d comply, but worth a shot (see what i did there?)

  • Caveman
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    91 month ago

    Take over a billionaire and tell assistant to transfer 5m to real me and never mention it again or he will be fired.

    • ERROR: Earth.exe has crashedOP
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      1 month ago

      That’s sus af.

      Just set up a bitcoin wallet before you use the ability. Then take control of someone like musk, who definitely has some bitcoins, transfer all to your wallet.

      Untraceable! (ish)

      • silly goose meekah
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        81 month ago

        Very traceable, in fact. Do you know how bitcoins work?

        The issue is when you try to spend the bitcoins. You’ll eventually reveal some of your personal info when doing so, unless you are willing to work with the underground. Might go well, might end up with you in a ditch or a cell.

        • ERROR: Earth.exe has crashedOP
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          1 month ago

          Wear a mask

          Go to Bitcoin ATM

          Withdraw

          Ez

          I mean, its better than having the money wired directly to your bank account like the other user suggested.

          • JackbyDev
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            41 month ago

            Psst, or use actually more anonymous crypto like monero.

          • silly goose meekah
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            41 month ago

            Huh, I wasn’t aware there’s such a thing as a bitcoin ATM. That would make it possible I guess, but I feel like eventually you’d still get caught some way or another.

      • @Agent641
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        31 month ago

        I can’t login to my own Coinbase in under a minute, let alone someone else’s.

  • ℕ𝕖𝕞𝕠
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    81 month ago

    The only people it would be ethical to use this on are those in permanent vegetative states… and myself.

    I think I’d opt for one minute of true self-control. Maybe I could overclock myself or something. Never know until you try.

    • @j4k3
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      21 month ago

      Nice job of spotting the philosophical.

      I say doctors should have a way to do this with patients to deterministically diagnose a person, (with consent of course). I’d do that in a heartbeat with my chronic issues.

  • @[email protected]
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    1 month ago

    Take over Clearance and have him shoot kegStand. Based on the timing, the next 58 seconds can be a sick rant about guns.

    If sleepy Joe is on the ball, he’ll have two young replacements in mind.

  • @[email protected]
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    1 month ago

    Have Trump take off his diaper on TV and say “my smol wee wee has poo poo on it, me sad”

    • ivanafterall ☑️
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      111 month ago

      Give it like a month and you won’t have to waste your one ability use on this.

    • y0kai
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      61 month ago

      Are you trying to get him elected a third time?

      Is supporters would eat that up. “He’s just so brave and relatable.”