I feel “guess it’s free” is soooo overused, I feel like it grates on cashiers nerves, beyond a good groaner, so instead I say “aw crap, does this mean it’s triple price?”
I always say “flock of cows” to bait someone into saying “herd of cows” so that I can say “of course I’ve heard of cows!” Watching their faces is priceless.
Thank you for the new material to annoy my fiancé with every time we see cows.
I do this from time to time but with bison. I will casually slip “flock of bison” into a conversation hoping someone corrects me to “herd of bison”. So I can say. “No I hadn’t heard about your bi son. You must be so proud.”
there’s a chance the flock of cows would just pass me by unnoticed as i wrangle the conversation in my head and then hours later i realize something off about it in the shower or in bed
I use school of deer when spotting deer and things like herd, pod or flock of fish while fishing.
In my language, there’s different words for body parts of animals versus humans. Like “paws” and “hands”. There’s one exception: horses should use the human words. I always use the animal form just to have people correct me
As someone who used to work in retail, if I’m ever caught saying “guess it’s free then,” I sincerely hope everyone in the store immediately stops what they’re doing to form an orderly line to take turns slapping the piss out of me.
“Nope, actually means it’s not for sale. Sorry.”
The shocked pikachu face they make is fucking priceless
In my experience, they usually take the counter-dad joke in stride, and we move on (sometimes they do make an obviously exaggerated expression as part of the joke). I’m probably an outlier, but I’ve always found “that means it’s free” quaint if just really trite; it’s just trying to be friendly and make my monotonous day a little more fun, and I understand from their perspective that it isn’t conspicuously overused. So I take the joke for its intent (I’ve never seen it used seriously, and imagining a remotely sane human being doing so strains credulity) instead of its actual novelty or cleverness. I will never make it because it’s so worn-out and I know it’ll make most people in retail groan, but I don’t begrudge people who do, since I’ve never seen it used in a sincerely harassing, negative way.
I’m right there with you! That was the only one that I refuse to do!
I used to just say, “If you can run fast enough. I don’t know if I’d chance it though… Tony’s working today.”
One thing I have grown into is to refuse to use my time to try to find prices for stuff, when the store fails to label it.
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Ouch… 18/20
Edit: They forgot the mandatory clicking of the tongs after picking them up.
They forgot the mandatory clicking of the tongs after picking them up.
That’s because that’s an everyone thing, not just dads. I have done this since I was old enough to hold them.
Of course. Makes the food taste better.
(I do that with the table marker things at Chick-Fil-A too…)
I WOULD do it, but my tongs are silicone-coated (for air fryer removal)
And don’t forget the requirement to pull the button two to three times immediately after picking up a power drill.
I have the other 2. Combined we can make a whole dad
cool, now you only have to decide who enters who
I thought about this recently and it does make sense. You’ve gotta test the spring so you can use the right amount of force
The last one requires you to pat the load three times or the magic doesn’t work.
Alternatively, you can pull back and snap the strap/cord.
No you snap the strap/cord, but it still requires two pats, though the pats can be subdued with palm resting on the object and only the fingers doing the patting while you slightly lean against the object to subtly prove your point.
Fuck, I only pat it twice.
I feel personally attacked
8, and I’m a woman without children 🤔
Sure thing. I know its you dad
Keep practicing, get those numbers up, and next thing you know, you’ll have a wife and two offspring!
13, also no children.
Spiritually dad-like ✨
You’re a faux pas
I refuse to use any of these.
Instead I like to come up with my own new ones.Like when someone comes back in right away after forgetting something.
I’m like: “Finally! Do you know how worried I’ve been?”
My go to is “see you on Monday”
They walk back in
“Good morning, how was the weekend?”
How dad are you?
No, it’s “dad, how are you?”
Bonus point
This homey unlocked the extra credit
Don’t forget the mandatory testing of the drill in the air.
Zing zing!
And clacking the tongs!
Before I was a dad, I would say a lot of these ironically, fully aware of and referencing the cliche. Now, they’re just part of me.
That’s how they getcha.
Excellent!
¡Excelente!
A ton of these are part of my daily routine.
Does “look, cows” count?
Yes, but the real dad thing is to say that when you see horses, and say “look, horses” when there are cows.
One time I saw horses and got really excited but forgot the word for them so I excitedly yelled “PUPPIES!”
My family never let me live that down. It’s been over 5 years now, and they still tease me by saying “look, Mom, puppies!” while pointing at horses.
This is a great story coming from the person that runs most animal communities on Lemmy lmao
I was trying to cajole my oldest into accompanying me to brush his teeth or something, and tried to say two things at once: “C’mon, my bud!” and “C’mon, my chum!” (I’m a firm believer that using unusual language helps them develop. And it’s fun!)
Unfortunately, saying them both came out as “C’mon, my bum!” He was three, and still remembers it…
“Hey!” And pointing when you see hay bales is good too.
Does making neigh or moo sounds count?
Me, in the middle of tying my shibari bottom: “That’s not going anywhere.”
I like to yell “HEY!” and point at a field full of hay bales. The wife almost always looks briefly concerned until she sees it, and then gives me the “a-doy” look. I think she secretly loves it though.
Try shouting “Jesus!” when you see a church with a sign about Jesus.
Or give their noggin a tap when you see a “bump a head” sign
Mooing at cows isn’t on this string of thought, but it’s still fun
