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I wish them a swift reunion.
It must be like that movie Final Destination. He must be terrified!
…probably why he literally shit his pants.
What’s with the pants shitting?
Idk, maybe he just does it for fun? Seems like a pretty messed up guy…
It’s the colon cancer.
Could be both.
Perfect thumbnail for the title! The Onion doesn’t often make me laugh that hard but this got me.
It would be so funny if his friends that die actually all got killed by inept CIA agents who are trying to kill him instead.
Or if it’s like Tucker and Dale vs Evil, where he looks extremely guilty, but they’re all genuine accidents.
Oh no, the poor guy!