• @[email protected]
    link
    fedilink
    English
    1105 months ago

    oh hey look, its my childhood trauma that led to me being unbearably boring in conversations

    • bizarroland
      link
      fedilink
      525 months ago

      OP is full of shit.

      Everyone was mocked and belittled for anything and everything they ever say or do, right?

      Thenwhen what they say and do is nothing, they get physically assaulted and punished for it, right?

      • @NegativeInf
        link
        English
        665 months ago

        I mean, that was my experience. Niche interests? Lol. Fucking queer.

        Man. Texas sure was a great place to accumulate all this trauma!

        • Mossy Feathers (She/They)
          link
          fedilink
          English
          305 months ago

          I love plushies. I grew up AMAB which meant that after a certain age (typically before 10yrs old, somewhere around 7~8yrs old), it became unacceptable to have plushies. I held onto them long past that age and didn’t “put them away” until I was well into my teens, but I was still very aware of the fact that I couldn’t let anyone outside my family know that I still had my plushies because I might get bullied if I did.

          Afaik, no one outside the family ever found out, but it took a long time for adult me to accept that it’s okay to like plushies and start pulling my og plushie crew out of the closet. Now I’m starting to expand my plushie portfolio again and I have a small army of protobeans, several high-quality dragon plushies, a medium-ish roadkill opossum, a few makeship/misc plushies like a Gardener from Gemini Home Entertainment or Acrid from Risk of Rain, a big moth, backstories and names for almost everyone, and I still have my OG beanie-baby crew (some of whom I’ve discovered would be fairly valuable if they hadn’t been well-loved).

          I regret letting my fear stop me from covering my bedroom in plushies.

          • @NegativeInf
            link
            English
            115 months ago

            No one will ever stop me loving my Indi-Bear. I’ll fight em.

          • @jaybone
            link
            English
            45 months ago

            What is AMAB?

            • @clickyello
              link
              English
              75 months ago

              assigned male at birth, it and AFAB are often used with the intention of being inclusive of NB and trans people that you may not know the gender of or in OPs case implying that’s not the way they identify now(although that’s just an assumption, could be inclusive terminology for inclusivity’s sake)

          • @[email protected]
            link
            fedilink
            English
            25 months ago

            I’m not at all into plushies anymore, though I do like to cuddle a plsuhie some times. Anyways… my mom saved the dragon plushie I had when I was a kid. It was obviously a bit roughed up, but I send it to a “doll doctor” and now my son has that same plushie I used to have. I’m not the sentimental type, but I’m super happy how that I got to share this with my son even though he just threw it in the corner and never uses it 😄

        • @PunnyName
          link
          English
          95 months ago

          Oh, hey, stop that.

          Fuck Texas

          • @TexasDrunk
            link
            English
            7
            edit-2
            5 months ago

            Are you offering? Because I’m drunk enough to try some shit tonight!

            Seriously though, I like Texas. I like the scenery, the people I currently surround myself with, the food, the night life, the local music, and about a million other things about it. A lot of Texas is genuinely really cool.

            I fucking hate the small towns like the one I grew up in and the fucking politicians. I hate the voter suppression and apathy. I hate the people who traumatize others for not being “normal”, whatever the fuck that is. A lot of Texas is genuinely really fucking shitty.

            All that being said, I totally get the sentiment because y’all don’t get to see the cool shit. The people stuck in the shitty little towns don’t generally get to see the cool shit. And the politicians are trying to do away with a lot of the cool shit.

            • @PunnyName
              link
              English
              75 months ago

              I’d prolly move back if it weren’t for the generations of assholes. I grew up in a suburb of 150k+, and I do miss the weather. But fuck, it’s so backwards!

              • @TexasDrunk
                link
                English
                55 months ago

                I don’t blame you. It’s definitely not for everyone and not everyone can find their tribe here without a lot of work that not everyone can put into it for various reasons. On top of that, did I mention the shitty politicians?

                It’s just not the same since you went away. And the Mexican food sucks north of here anyway </bowling for soup>

                • @PunnyName
                  link
                  English
                  35 months ago

                  I did go to LA, so I’ve got that going for me (despite my renewed homelessness). Taco trucks galore!

        • @TexasDrunk
          link
          English
          85 months ago

          From one Texan to another, I’m sorry you went through that. I hope you have or are able to work through it. And I hope you’re enjoying your niche interests these days!

          • @NegativeInf
            link
            English
            15 months ago

            I think you and I are the only Texans on here… I swear any time I mention it, bam! There you are! Still think you’re a better option than MIA governor Abbott. Lolol.

            • @TexasDrunk
              link
              English
              35 months ago

              The Fartographer is also one of our kin. They’re (she, I think, but I won’t swear to it) pretty fucking cool. You are, too.

              I like to sit at the bar and people watch while I’m chatting on Lemmy so I’m always around.

              • @NegativeInf
                link
                English
                35 months ago

                Fair enough! And I appreciate that! And I think I’ve seen their name around here before too. I do enjoy your perspective on our shared plight in this… place.

                And that must be pretty entertaining considering what our drunks can get up to.

                • @TexasDrunk
                  link
                  English
                  35 months ago

                  I’ve been all around the world and there ain’t no drunks like the ones in Houston. I’m sitting in a bar in a strip mall next to a children’s learning center. They’re kind of extra tonight, probably because they’ve been down due to Beryl.

            • @TexasDrunk
              link
              English
              25 months ago

              Oh, I forgot to ask, did you get power back?

              • @NegativeInf
                link
                English
                35 months ago

                Nope! CenterPoint is still pissing away all our time and I can see the fuse blown on the damn pole that’s keeping my power off.

                Thankfully, I have some mitigation for the heat, but it’s been rough! Today was the first day any of the gas stations near me had any power to even pump gas.

                Thanks for asking!

                • @TexasDrunk
                  link
                  English
                  25 months ago

                  Ok, that’s pretty fucked up. Which side are you on? I’m a hair out of Katy in a suburb up from the energy corridor and my power was back on in like 24 hours.

                  I’m so sorry that shit is happening to you. You need anything? A care package?

      • @jaybone
        link
        English
        35 months ago

        I’m being punched right now.

      • @marcos
        link
        English
        15 months ago

        That seems to have changed recently.

  • @weariedfae
    link
    English
    615 months ago

    Just painstakingly craft different personas based on the people you’re around, including a bland generic person for mass appeal, because you simply can’t handle the unending stream of ridicule.

    • rockerface 🇺🇦
      link
      fedilink
      English
      345 months ago

      The most important part is to not let different groups of people mix until you can safely merge the corresponding personas

    • @atx_aquarian
      link
      English
      15 months ago

      Baby

      Take off

      Your coooool

      I want to

      Get to

      Know yoooooooou

      If that’s what they were singing about, I’d guess this isn’t all that weird.

  • @[email protected]
    link
    fedilink
    English
    495 months ago

    After “fear of getting ridiculed or mocked” I’d also add “or told you’re going to go to hell.”

    Ugh.

  • @blady_blah
    link
    English
    43
    edit-2
    5 months ago

    I remember saying “I don’t listen to music” in high school and half of college because I didn’t feel I could listen to the music I enjoyed without being made fun of. I basically didn’t listen to music until I was in college and I had space to explore what I liked and didn’t like without peer pressure.

    To this day I don’t listen to music in front of anyone other than my wife and kids. I still remember the exact derogatory quote that a person I thought was my friend said in regards to me showing them some music I liked… from about 40 years ago.

    That’s one thing I instill in my kids, everyone is allowed to like and not like what they want and they should not be made fun of for any of their preferences.

    • @jaybone
      link
      English
      95 months ago

      What kind of music?

    • timo_timboo
      link
      English
      65 months ago

      Yeah, music is a weird one. I also always said I didn’t listen to music. I did listen to a lot of songs from video games though. When I was annoyed enough I told them something like Rock, but that always led to the question if I can name some artists or songs. Didn’t knew many. I hate these kinds of conversations.

    • @trolololol
      link
      English
      -215 months ago

      You’re taking the one bad experience with a so called friend too far.

      • Rozaŭtuno
        link
        fedilink
        English
        375 months ago

        "Hey, I know barely anything about you but I can tell your feelings are not valid’.

        Trauma doesn’t work like that, you don’t just get over it on command.

        • @[email protected]
          link
          fedilink
          English
          8
          edit-2
          5 months ago

          And hes proactively ending it with him by helping his kids learn healthy views about individual tastes and respecting others.

          Even if he can’t “fix” it for himself, he has already protected others.

        • @trolololol
          link
          English
          15 months ago

          Yep I get it now.

          I still wish his friends get shafted tho

      • @blady_blah
        link
        English
        35 months ago

        It wasn’t just one experience, that’s just the one that sticks in my mind the most.

        I was also a shy dorky kid and I avoided social conflict and I didn’t care enough to dive into music and find what I liked back then.

        • @trolololol
          link
          English
          15 months ago

          Sorry to hear that

          F your so called friend. And I hope you get to enjoy music without shame for the rest of your life

  • @[email protected]
    link
    fedilink
    English
    365 months ago

    It hurts the most when it’s your family :/ I’m 30 years old and I still have trouble saying “I want to watch this movie” when it’s just me and my husband having a movie night. Literally anything I wanted to watch or do in that house was somehow the weirdest thing anyone had ever heard of. That’s growing up in an Arkansas white-flight suburb for you.

    • NoSpiritAnimal
      link
      English
      205 months ago

      I just plain don’t tell my mother anything. Every hobby is an opportunity to criticize and belittle, so why bother?

      • @SLVRDRGN
        link
        English
        45 months ago

        And then they get mad that you don’t tell them what you’re up to. Either listen and don’t belittle, or be a belittler and don’t expect to hear anything.

        Pick one, you can’t have both.

      • @nikaaa
        link
        English
        45 months ago

        Exactly, think: How does my mother treat me? How should I treat her?

    • @A_Random_Idiot
      link
      English
      125 months ago

      I genuinely wish there was a license, or barring that, at least mandatory psych evaluations and training, to be a parent.

      because jesus christ so many people seem to actively hate their children. You should encourage your children and hope they flourish. Not stamp them down and grind them into the concrete like an finished cigarette.

      • @[email protected]
        link
        fedilink
        English
        15 months ago

        the real solution is that individuals shouldn’t be solely responsible for raising children, children should be raised collectively by at least like 5 people and ideally more like 50…

        think about how kids would grow up in the past, they might not even be with their parents most of the time! Running around the village or local neighbourhood, staying at their friends’ house, buying groceries for old lady Stephens (who is effectively everyone’s grandmother) since she’s too old to walk to the store and then being treated to her homemade pastries, etc etc

        humans just aren’t made to raise kids on their own, we’re made to share the responsibility so the kids can actually get all the attention they need, and they can get varied perspectives and knowledge.

        • @A_Random_Idiot
          link
          English
          15 months ago

          There are plenty of people who have support networks and still treat their kids like shit, and/or abuse them.

  • @Siethron
    link
    English
    365 months ago

    I actually forgot how to be interested in thingd

        • @[email protected]
          link
          fedilink
          English
          115 months ago

          Let’s not be presumptuous. Like. I don’t even know if he likes Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

            • @[email protected]
              link
              fedilink
              English
              35 months ago

              Well if you even barely liked it, so did I so that’s enough of an excuse to keep our bad, unhappy relationship going just a little bit longer. At least until it absolutely crumbles apart beyond recognition.

              That song is so sad.

  • @Tantheiel
    link
    English
    305 months ago

    I’d rather not give my family anything on me. I don’t like being judged or tasked to do things for them because I’m the techy one.

    Also hate the spotlight

  • @Gustephan
    link
    English
    275 months ago

    I too grew up in a southern military family. Interests other than football or otherwise hurting other people? That’s a paddlin

    • @trolololol
      link
      English
      35 months ago

      Did you know you can do both at the same time? Bonus

  • Fleppensteyn
    link
    fedilink
    English
    265 months ago

    I still feel I need to hide when I am interested in something. Am I not the only one?

    • MacN'Cheezus
      link
      fedilink
      English
      175 months ago

      Definitely not, and the solution is to stop hanging out with people who ridicule or mock you for your interests and hobbies, and find those who admire and/or encourage you instead.

        • MacN'Cheezus
          link
          fedilink
          English
          35 months ago

          Once you’re an adult, you have no obligation to spend any time with your parents if they do not appreciate you for who you are.

          Unless you still live at home, that is, in which case, you should probably fix that first.

      • @Persen
        link
        English
        -15 months ago

        You can’t just find different friends. You just meet people by chance, so you have to be loyal to people no matter how much of an asshole they are.

        • MacN'Cheezus
          link
          fedilink
          English
          75 months ago

          What if I told you you do not have to be loyal to people who don’t respect you?

          • @Persen
            link
            English
            05 months ago

            A very small part of people who I call friends are people, who I actually care about. I’m just forced to communicate with others to get important info I need for school.

            • MacN'Cheezus
              link
              fedilink
              English
              35 months ago

              Well, people you HAVE to see for professional reasons aren’t your friends, and you shouldn’t really care what they think about your hobbies or interests.

              • @Persen
                link
                English
                05 months ago

                At school, it’s different, than at work, as children/teens (including me) are generally less mature, which means most of them don’t help you or inform you unless they benefit from it. TLDR: I make people think they are my friends because I’m forced to.

                • MacN'Cheezus
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  3
                  edit-2
                  5 months ago

                  Okay, I understand that, and that’s fine, everyone has people like that in their lives at some point.

                  But if you KNOW they aren’t really your friends, why would you complain that they don’t act like they are?

                  You can just ignore the first part of my advice (about not spending time with them) because it doesn’t apply to this situation, but you should probably still try and find people who you can actually be friends with based on your hobbies and interests.

        • @[email protected]
          link
          fedilink
          English
          65 months ago

          Nah this is completely wrong, move your body to somewhere else where there are different people. Interact with them. That’s it, you have a different social circle now. Find a new hobby or pick up an old one in a different place, decline to hang out with people who ridicule you and invite people who do not.

          • @Persen
            link
            English
            25 months ago

            Tried it. It didn’t go well.

        • @[email protected]
          link
          fedilink
          English
          55 months ago

          You should be loyal to people, they might also be afraid to show their interest in the stuff you like. But don’t stick to them “no matter what”. That can bring you into dark places.

          Enforcing boundaries helps, talking about things helps, but sucking it up and abandoning people seemingly willy-nilly will leave you alone and angsty pretty fast. So will just taking everything from an asshole.

          I don’t have an answer to finding friends yet. Try going to social stuff about the things you like. If you have stuff you deliberately hide then try not to go to those things first, as the shame might make you lash out at potential friends. Wait till you can come to terms with yourself.

          • @Persen
            link
            English
            1
            edit-2
            5 months ago

            This is actually inspirational, but the point of the post is, that you are on terms with yourself, but you know they won’t respect you.

        • Flying Squid
          link
          English
          35 months ago

          Apart from what other people have pointed out- what if one of your friends does great harm to another of your friends? How do you stay loyal to both of them?

          • @Persen
            link
            English
            -15 months ago

            You pretend to be on the side of both of them, but it could fall apart very quickly. So I don’t do it anymore. I just make my own arguments and side with the victim.

            • Flying Squid
              link
              English
              25 months ago

              So you were lying to your friends about having their back? That makes you the bad friend.

              • @Persen
                link
                English
                -1
                edit-2
                5 months ago

                Yes, that’s kind off true. I don’t lie to them about having their back, I lie to them about my opinion as I try to avoid conflict. I don’t do it against my actual friends, just to people I’m forced to communicate with to function in society.

                • Flying Squid
                  link
                  English
                  25 months ago

                  What is the difference between your friends and your actual friends? Because I thought we were talking about your friends and I also thought that friends are actual friends.

    • Flying Squid
      link
      English
      85 months ago

      Just yesterday, my teenage daughter (not trying to say anything about your maturity level here) said to me that she didn’t like it when I talked about anime because she thought the word was embarrassing. She really likes anime, but she is embarrassed about it because even though she knows anime is fairly mainstream now, she likes more obscure stuff.

      I told her that apart from it being a perfectly acceptable word to describe the art form both in and outside Japan, if you spend time worrying about what people think of your interests, you’re wasting time you could spend on those interests- and actually stopping yourself from doing it. And then while you’re doing it, you’re wasting time feeling bad for enjoying yourself when you could just be enjoying yourself.

      On top of that, if a friend is going to judge you for your interests, maybe they’re not really a friend. And everyone else? Fuck them. They have to share the Earth with you regardless and if they don’t like it, that’s their problem.

  • @[email protected]
    link
    fedilink
    English
    245 months ago

    Kids in my sons junior high school are unapologetic weirdos now and are embraced for it. Normies watch anime.

    Contrast when I was in high school and you were called homophobic slurs for liking Star Wars or reading manga. Bizarre times indeed.

  • @Etterra
    link
    English
    235 months ago

    I don’t know about y’all but when I was in school there were only three kinds of kids; bullies, victims, and the ones who weren’t noteworthy enough to be victims most of the time. Nobody was immune to mockery, but at least occasionally people would have friends to stick up for them.

    • WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them]
      link
      fedilink
      English
      125 months ago

      Honestly wonder if I was just too oblivious to be bullied? Like, if you tried, I might just be too confused by what they were trying to accomplish that they just feel like they’re the one being made fun of? Like, I thought being gay was cool, so its not like you could use that as an insult for me. It would just be stolen valor. Guess it could fall into the group of “weren’t noteworthy enough to be victims.”

      There’s the stereotype of the quiet kid who eventually does a mass school shooting. That might also discourage would-be bullies, but doubt it.

      • Mossy Feathers (She/They)
        link
        fedilink
        English
        95 months ago

        I had people try to bully me. I was tall enough that most kids thought I was strong (I wasn’t, I struggled to build muscle even when I was a gymnast, but they didn’t know that), so they almost never tried anything physical. Furthermore, I was kinda too ADHD (or possibly autistic) for insults to work. They just didn’t register as something I was supposed to be offended by. In my head, that was just someone’s opinion or someone teasing (in hindsight they weren’t, but at the time I thought they were); for the former, “opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and most of them are full of shit” while I interpreted the latter as someone just trying to play around.

        People tended to just give up when they realized that they couldn’t find my buttons but I could find theirs very quickly.

        • WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them]
          link
          fedilink
          English
          25 months ago

          I was tall enough that most kids thought I was strong (I wasn’t, I struggled to build muscle even when I was a gymnast, but they didn’t know that), so they almost never tried anything physical.

          As a small child, I was probably decently capable of holding my own enough to deter physical bulling. Starting in 8th grade, I was a good size to deter bulling and not big enough people took it as a challenge. So, never had anyone pull anything physical with me as far as I know.

          Also, was weirdly on good terms with a diverse crowd for reasons unknown to me. /shrug

    • no banana
      link
      English
      85 months ago

      After years of the school doing nothing, I punched my bully. That got me in trouble and I had to switch schools.

  • @[email protected]
    link
    fedilink
    English
    215 months ago

    So what’s it called when you get picked on for being outside the norm so you decide to try get the interests of everyone else but go too far in that study and end up with so much knowledge, hobbies and interests that you go right out the other side of not being relatable anymore. And while people no longer directly mock you for not having their interest they find you weird and untrustworthy to be in their social circle because they don’t think you actually belong there?

    • niftyOP
      link
      English
      65 months ago

      I don’t know about anyone else, I’d call you a goddamn king

    • @[email protected]
      link
      fedilink
      English
      55 months ago

      I’m in this comment and I don’t like it.

      Several times I would end up in a situation where I’m talking to someone and they mention something that peaks my interest. After that encounter, I would go home and furiously research the topic of interest becoming, essentially, a “prosumer” overnight in the subject.

      The next time I see that person, I’d talk about that subject and I would have so much more knowledge than they do that I’d talk over their head.

      Oh well.

      • @nomous
        link
        English
        55 months ago

        People just want to enjoy their thing, not be infodumped at by an encyclopedia. It’s fine to read everything about the hobby but try using that to understand what interests them about the subject and relate that way.

        • @[email protected]
          link
          fedilink
          English
          45 months ago

          I’ve gotten a lot better about it over the years, but this is good advice for anyone still in the situation.

          • @nomous
            link
            English
            35 months ago

            Yeah I think it’s something a lot of us do.

            Masking is definitely a skill that can be developed. I don’t even think of it as a negative thing really, it’s just knowing your audience and trying to relate on a similar level.

        • @SLVRDRGN
          link
          English
          25 months ago

          I guess I find it interesting that if people truly enjoy their thing, wouldn’t they want to know/hear more and not be turned off by a person who might know more?

  • Rozaŭtuno
    link
    fedilink
    English
    195 months ago

    Thanks op, I really needed that psychic damage out of the blue.

    • niftyOP
      link
      English
      135 months ago