The Proud Boys have an initiation ritual where new members are beaten by the group until they can recite the names of five different breakfast cereals.

  • yesmanOP
    50·
    6 months ago

    Obviously this frat-boy shit is dumb, but if you had to figure out if someone was a real American or a spy, this would be an excellent way to do it.

    Like if someone said “I eat musli” or “I like grape nuts” you could go ahead and shoot the spy.

      • loie
        192·
        6 months ago

        Yeah and everyone who ever ate it was like “oh god, no” and immediately came out with a better cereal.

        Like corn flakes. Itty bitty tortilla chips make a better cereal than fucking grape nuts.

        • VelvetStorm
          152·
          6 months ago

          You can go fuck yourself because they are great on their own or mixed in yogurt.

          • loie
            7·
            6 months ago

            Lol I actually do like them with honey. Oh and honey bunches of oats is just corn flakes with granola, that’s good too.

          • Bertuccio
            4·
            6 months ago

            Corn flakes were famously invented to discourage fucking one’s self.

          • Agrivar
            3·
            6 months ago

            Found the spy!

            Quick, somebody shoot 'em!

        • RizzRustbolt
          11·
          6 months ago

          Corn Flakes were invented independently by one of weirdest people ever.

          • disgrunty
            5·
            6 months ago

            “Weird” feels like such a mild way to describe John Harvey Kellogg.

      • yesmanOP
        21·
        6 months ago

        I didn’t say it wasn’t American, I said it’s not American to eat it. No American has ever purchased, much less consumed grape nuts. They don’t even put the product in the boxes anymore. Just some led shot and asbestos to give it weight and they change out the box design every once in a while. They’ve been doing this since the 80s, it has to remain on the shelves to satisfy the terms of a demonic contract.

        Before that, Grape Nuts was funded by the dentist lobby hoping to cash in on all those broken teeth. But nobody ever bought any and the dentists gave up.

        • blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works
          2·
          6 months ago

          I was born in California to parents born in New Jersey and Illinois, have been an American citizen since birth, and have bought and eaten Grape-Nuts multiple times.

        • Altima NEO@lemmy.zipEnglish
          2·
          6 months ago

          I meant it in a way that implies Americans love American things. Compared to muesli, which sounds like some European stuff.

  • hesusingthespiritbomb
    31·
    6 months ago

    See I have to believe at least some of this shit was because the leader of that group was a federal informant. This is the kind of thing the FBI agents in Ms Congeniality would think is funny.

  • ABCDE
    28·
    6 months ago

    Coco Pops, Special K, Bran Flakes, Cornflakes, err…

    Lucky Charms. Phew.

    Also, what?

    • RedEye FlightControlEnglish
      151·
      6 months ago

      You have Cocoa Puffs and Corn Pops combined, I’m going to give you 2 points for that.

      • ABCDE
        17·
        6 months ago

        Very kind of you, but I can’t take credit, Coco Pops are a cereal in the UK.

  • ouRKaoS@lemmy.today
    251·
    6 months ago

    Can I “join” and not name any cereals just to beat the fuck out of a bunch of proud boys?

    • Botzo
      7·
      6 months ago

      I thought you only had to join if you can’t beat them.

  • MeatsOfRage
    16·
    6 months ago

    I was raised in peak cereal advertising. I can spout off like 10 based on mascots alone.

    • Hikermick
      2·
      6 months ago

      Does it count if you’re old and all the cereals you remember still have “sugar” in the name?

  • Fontasia@feddit.nl
    13·
    6 months ago

    I know Kellogg’s is trying to fix their image since more people became aware of the anti-masturbation thing but this is not a good sponsorship deal to do that

  • son_named_bort
    11·
    6 months ago

    Captain Crunch

    Peanut Butter Crunch

    Crunchberries

    Oops All Berries

    …crap

    • bitwaba
      3·
      6 months ago

      If cinnamon toast crunch isn’t one of the 5 you’re definitely not getting in.

  • Fontasia@feddit.nl
    8·
    6 months ago

    Dammit I’m going to be thinking about this for ages, is this to prove you were lower middle class? Like to make sure they were raised on the same “Saturday morning cartoon” upbringing? To see if they only name “Great Value” brand alternatives? To make sure they weren’t raised on croissants?

    I know I’m giving the Proud Boys far too much credit, but I really thought they only check that you get an erection while reciting the pledge of allegiance.

    • LargeMarge@sh.itjust.works
      2·
      6 months ago

      I think it’s more about making sure you can handle yourself under pressure. When there’s multiple guys actively beating the shit out of you, can you still focus on naming the cereals? Or does panic take over and your brain stops working after you only have a chance to name 3? I guess it makes sense that a group of domestic terrorists would want someone that can keep their head on straight when shit hits the fan. Still dumb tho.

  • lengau@midwest.social
    6·
    6 months ago

    ProNutro, Weetbix, Maltabella, Jungle Oats, Otees.

    Five cereals that Proud Boys have probably never heard of.