People who say Lemmy is not a social media site might just be right.
Because apparently the people here do not want to be social they just want the media.I think lemmy and reddit are super different from social media. you can use some of their tools to socialize but most if not all people don’t use their real names, most don’t even have a proper profile, most people don’t follow each other or try to get followers, etc. there’s just no “relationship” aspect that is distinct to social media sites.
if anything lemmy feels a little more social just because of the small size, and how you start to recognize the same bunch of people in the comments. but I’d expect that to go away if it ever gets really big one day.
Finally
Asocial media
discussion =/= socializing
For me, it’s my roommate and the never-ending rant about ‘stupid’ things going on at work.
This is why people moved en masse to suburbs. You go to your car and drive away, rarely even see a neighbor. I’ve spoken to a neighbor once in the last year and it was because we were both shoveling snow (it was yesterday). We shoveled for an hour in silence but we kept getting closer to the street (she’s across the street). At some point we were only about 20 feet from each other and the silence was awkward. At least it was just a 30 second convo.
Wtf? I live in the suburbs and we talk regularly to the neighbours. Is this some weird US-specific dystopia?
Yes
I grew up in a suburb and that was the only time I HAVE regularly felt like this. I still wince when I think of the loud Greek lady across the street who shouted my name whenever I tried to leave the house. Egads.
Hm, I’m kind of in between. I do this fairly often, not wanting to go out right when someone else is there. But I don’t know why, since as far as I can tell it doesn’t make me feel anxious to run into someone like in the cartoon.
It doesn’t bother me at all to cross paths with someone and I’m fine with saying Hi or just nodding to acknowledge their presence. Rarely does anyone actually try to start a conversation or anything. If they do say anything it’s probably just a one-liner and move on. And it’s easy to tell if someone doesn’t want to nod or say Hi as you pass because they stare at the ground the whole time, and I’m fine with that too, but I don’t do that.
But now I’m wondering, so why do I tend to wait until they’re gone? Is it really social anxiety? I don’t think so? I’m a loner but I have no problem or anxiety talking to people either. 🤔
I’m usually rushing out somewhere when I leave the house and a few of my neighbors are talkers, which I normally don’t mind at all. But sometimes it makes more sense to just wait inside for a minute rather than get stuck in a 5 minute conversation.
Not me. I even talk to people in the bathroom.
I need this explained. Is this a bathroom?
Yes. Their violent neighbor broke in earlier and is currently using their bathroom, much to the embarrassment of the protagonist
I think it’s her front door and her neighbors are talking in the hall outside her apartment. (The keys doesn’t really make sense with her wanting to ‘go’)
In Europe you often have doors that lock with keys from inside as well. And no knob/autolock.
The good part is that there is no “I forgot my keys and locked myself out” because either you couldn’t leave without your keys or you left your door unlocked.
The bad part is when you are late to your engagement because you can’t just leave the apartment unlocked/you are locked in and your room mate Julia misplaced her keys and borrowed yours to go out for an hour and she’s an hour late already. Fuck you, Julia. Also fire safety.
Some houses have a deadbolt that has a lock cylinder on both sides because it’s more resistant to breakins. My house is like this and I need a key to leave unless I want to jump out of a window
Have they not invented fire in your country yet?
Like most buildings, my house has windows I can exit in an emergency
Double cylinder deadbolts are pretty common IME
(The keys doesn’t really make sense with her wanting to ‘go’)
I was thinking it could be a gas station bathroom.
Who is speaking in the last panel?
A Portal turret.
are you still there?
Without checking other comics in the same storyline I would have to guess roommate(I don’t know this chatacters living situation), the keyholes in some appartments are on both sides, she is inside her apartment trying to leave, and has been trying for long enough that the roommate is surprised.
Flat mate or partner or family?
Every fucking time I want to leave some other neighbour comes out first and I have to wait for them to clear out before I can leave.
And they are so slow! Clear the public area swiftly you inconsiderate buffoons!
Wow you hate people more than I do. Just say that.
The old people always want to talk and I’m too nice to cut them off. There is no other choice but to avoid them at all costs.
So you guys hate eachother?
It’s just normal social anxiety.
To actively avoid interacting with anyone outside of your specific social circle??? Doesn’t seem like that would be “normal”.
well, you suffer from social anxiety, than yes, it’s normal
I suppose it depends on your definition of normal. But I specifically didn’t say it was normal for everyone, I said it was normal social anxiety. Which only affects around 10% of people. Still a pretty large number, that’s about the same as being left-handed. And yet you likely know more people that are left handed, because the odds of meeting someone with social anxiety are, of course, much lower even though just as many exist.
That would be “normal social anxiety symptoms” or even “normal for social anxiety” where normal applies to the symptom discussed. Here your use of normal supplements the “social anxiety” which I do understand is more prevalent than people would really acknowledge but isn’t exactly normal.
Even more so for zero contact, no coping mechanism social anxiety that has you saying rude things about others existing in shared physical space.Is “normal social anxiety symptoms” really meaningfully different than "“normal social anxiety”? Isn’t that implied?
It is not implied. In fact I doubt most people would consider social anxiety to be even a clinical term and it is often used a catch all for minor anxiety towards social interactions that can be difficult.
Following up someone saying they hide inside when neighbors are around and that they think they are buffoons for not moving at the speed you want because of a lack of self control with “well that’s just normal social anxiety” validates and normalizes behavior that is neither valid nor productive.
My grandmother was an English teacher and she would tell you it’s not ok to leave things implicit as you leave the comprehension to the reader when that is the purpose of you as the speaker.
Undiagnosed anxiety sufferers who think it’s normal to be terrified of human interaction downvoting you
Never really got this myself. Maybe it’s not a rational thing since who gives a fuck?
Oh yeah it’s completely irrational. Used to be like this myself particularly when living in a dorm during college. Couldn’t tell you what I was scared of to be clear. No thoughts led me there, no experiance with people, no issue with talking to people even. I knew if I just walked out I’d be fine
When I was next to the door and heard someone in the hall I’d just feel nervous and fearful. I’d stand by the door with my ear against it steadying my breath without making a sound until the were gone, sometimes half an hour to an hour later. Particularly aweful when the bathroom was down the hall.
Notaclue what changed either I just kinda stopped caring at a point
I don’t get it. Are they afraid of possibly having a brief interaction with a neighbor?
Yes, we are.
…why though?
Reminds me of a favorite line from a song, “I don’t want you to romanticize falling the fuck apart”
Just going to stick my reply on the top comment here, but may touch on some of the lower comments to help out.
Answering yes to the question “Are they afraid of possibly having a brief interaction with a neighbor” is going to be unique to the individual. I saw some mention of anxiety disorder down there, and while that may be the case for some, I wouldn’t label myself with that and I see this as a good opportunity to caution against over generalization for these grey areas of life.
For me personally, I have a full time career that primarily involves interacting with people 95% of the time. When I get done working for the day… I’m all interacted out. So yeah I may not enter a room or exit my apartment when I know it’s going to require more social interactions. I’m just tired. It’s honestly easier for me to just wait a couple minutes so that I don’t have to restart my decompression.
This was a useful perspective for me. Thanks.
Also while I dont have social anxiety, I do have Autism and was diagnosed more specifically with Aspergers. This means that I really dont like dealing with people in general, not in an anxiety wag but in a let me do my own thing type of way.
Because then you have to make pointless small talk and pleasantries, and I need to save all of those for the boring people I don’t want to talk to at work.
Come to Germany. We don’t talk to each other in public. Ever.
Smalltalk with the cashier? Hell no. It’s just "Card or Cash? " “Card.” “Receipt?” “Nope. Bye.” “Bye”. Every time.
Walk past each other on a tail. Maaaaaybe it will be a “Hello”. That’s it. Every time.
It sounds like a magical land.
Ya but, you don’t have to do that. Nobody cares if you walk by them in the apartment corridor without acknowledging them
“sorry, I’m in a rush”
…why though?
Anxiety disorders are a group of mental disorders characterized by significant and uncontrollable feelings of anxiety and fear such that a person’s social, occupational, and personal functions are significantly impaired.
Expressing your struggles is not the same as romanticizing them. You should self interrogate why you assume they are the same
Because a lot of people I know and see are like “lol I’m a mess” without seeming to do anything to address the situation.
Though that’s aggravated by the capitalist hellscape that makes getting health care difficult.
But also I’m less generous about this because it’s frustrating to be on the receiving end of someone’s crippling anxiety.
And this comic is a cutesy, romanticized if you will, representation of it.
interrogate harder because “I feel impinged on by people with anxiety” is not it lmao
No, it’s “I don’t think you’re doing enough to deal with your problems” first.
This is a pretty common mentality we have to deal with. Someone that doesn’t have our problem, downplaying how big of a deal it is because they have never had to put much thought into it. It’s a physical difference in the structure of our brain. While we can learn ways to cope with it, we can’t ever “get over it”. We find ways to minimize triggering it, and ways to ride it out with the least amount of stress. And one of the ways that helps is sharing our struggles with the rest of our community for support, and trying not to care about outsiders shitting on us as we do so.
without seeming to do anything to address the situation.
seeming
A lot of the struggles and progress in this area isn’t going to outwardly visible unless they decide to share that with you.
I’m aware but worth pointing out. It’s easy to forget. Also to forget that our personal experience is not universal.
I had really bad anxiety in my youth. I’d get nauseous. Staying inside alone made it worse. So much worse. Taking the plunge and actually going out, talking to people, engaging, regularly, that lead to progress. Even if it meant throwing up in the bathroom sometimes. But that probably won’t work for everyone.
But I guess some part of me has a visceral reaction that’s just like “you’re making it worse! You’re just hiding from the problem and it’s never going to get better this way! Just go outside and nothing bad will happen, and you’ll stop freaking out eventually!”. But that’s not everyone.
But yes, to your point, a lot of the time it seems like they’re not even trying, and I can’t know their inner world. Sometimes they’re not, sometimes they are.
I don’t think it’s an accurate assessment to say “everyone is doing their best” though because some people certainly are not.
Trauma.
They likely have high anxiety, possibly an anxiety disorder. It’s just a relatable representation of that in comic form
Surely you’re not implying that wanting to avoid unnecessary social interaction with overly familiar strangers means you have high anxiety? You could claim they’re socially awkward but that’s still pretty far from anxiety.
There are other reasons to want to. But social anxiety is pretty common, so it’s generally a safe assumption.
People with anxiety are valid and deserve to have their problems taken seriously
Yes, but this situation isn’t necessarily anxiety. It can just be social awkwardness, not wanting to have to say hi, etc.
of course it’s a comic with fake characters with no objective truth to be found…
but the artist is a vocal mental health advocate
…it’s 100% about anxiety 😅
Social awkwardness can be a part of anxiety.
Did I say otherwise? I only said anxiety is not the only possible cause
Your comment, it’s probably not, it’s probably something else, really doesn’t lend itself to allowing it.
Please don’t misquote me, I said nothing of the sort.
*Isn’t necessarily means >0% chance *Probably means >50% chance
They are not the same
That’s not what they said though
They said
… this situation isn’t necessarily anxiety
“Probably not [thing]”.
That’s equivalent to “isn’t necessarily [thing]”.
Ah this is a classic language misunderstanding. “Isn’t necessarily” means “possibly not [thing]” or “doesn’t have to be” or “may or may not be” but doesn’t have much bearing on probabilities.
That’s how people usually use that term in English anyway.
EDIT sorry didn’t mean to dogpile. I just saw that a couple other people already replied.
No? First means less-than-50% probability of thing, second means less-than-100% probability of thing
That’s simply not true. I agree that it seems to be social anxiety depicted but you misunderstand that phrase. That’s basically just saying it could be something else, nothing to do with likelihood.
You aren’t necessarily good at modal statements.
They make me anxious…
They are and they do, but this example is extreme. Having been on both sides of this, I’d say no one should have to live their life in fear of every little interaction. It’s exhausting, and you will never succeed in getting every person to leave you alone anyway. But this doesn’t have to be “the way it is.” You can actually change and make your life easier. Sometimes it takes help and a long time, but I believe most people can do it if they really want to.
Do you think we should treat people with crippling anxiety by telling them that their anxiety is crippling any time they post on the internet about how crippling their anxiety is?
I don’t even have anxiety and I think this is relatable. It’s not even necessarily fear, but maybe not having the bandwidth to be social in that moment.
Spoons, etc
But where does the comic state or imply that living like this is healthy? The character doesn’t seem happy.
This is real.
It is and the peephole is the gateway to false negatives. It seems like they’re gone, and then they’re not! They were just out of spy range!
The fuckers forgot their car keys and had to dash back in!
Thats why you have pinhole cameras above your door pointing down the hallway in each direction as well.
There’s 2 playing my game!?!??
Even worse when you’re really hungry but your flatmates are hanging out in the kitchen
Just stroll out as casual as possible and act suprise when they see you. “oh shit, hey” without any clothes on. Repeat this until they relocate their usual hangout spot to another building.
E: or discover your like exhibitionism and your fear of socializing drops (but your horniness rises when you can hear them congregating)
Regular Scandinavian life.
I need to move to Scandinavia.
Expensive, cold, and dark. Otherwise sounds fantastic.
That’s why I don’t leave the house. 😎
I do this for every threat of human interaction ever. I wish I could fix that.
You don’t fix it. You just work on it till you can handle more because you want to or you have to.
We aren’t so much as broken as just different, as we all are. We all just need to do our parts to work to be part of society rather than perfect it ourselves first.
I’m human, and you just interacted with me.
EDIT: This community has apparently about 11,000 active users. You just interacted with them and it didn’t seem to be an issue.
I’m human
I don’t believe this. I’m pretty sure this computer I’m using is generating random comments as I’m scrolling through here.
You’re not a threat and you don’t set my nervous system into meltdown. It’s the level of abstraction that I need to interact at all.
