ROANOKE, VA—Local claims adjuster David Seaborne, a devoted husband and father of three, died Tuesday at the age of 37 following a long and painful personal battle with a 512-pound eastern lowland gorilla.
This is one of the best Onion articles ever. Read the whole thing.
With what? and where? A silverback gorilla is no joke, David would need a shotgun and a will of steel to properly aim and fire at a 400lb monster trying to kill him.
Why didn’t he just shoot the gorilla? Is he stupid?
This is why America needs universal animal control
Like Obamakill.
Don’t victim-blame. Someone you love could be afflicted with the heartbreak of gorilla attacks.
Gorillas are not stupid.
Ive never seen one teaching class
With what? and where? A silverback gorilla is no joke, David would need a shotgun and a will of steel to properly aim and fire at a 400lb monster trying to kill him.