Its only “small talk” if you dont actually care about what the other person says. If you are genuinely interested, then its just a conversation. Thats how i see it at least.
Yeah, this. Talking small is faking interest. I’m not good at that. But when I actually care about the other person, “what have you been up to” is meaningful. Cause I actually wanna know.
Completely this.
My inability to carry even a basic conversation is just one of many reasons I have no plan to be in any kind of relationship, sustained or not, meaningful or not
Some people view certain talk as smalltalk but im always up to know about the weather or bad traffic or anything I can avoid or indulge in if I can.
Honestly, I always engage in small talk. You can hate it but I see you on a regular basis and I’m always attempting to make a connection, one day we will connect.
I think no matter what we do most of the things are outoff our control
Sometimes you don’t need to fill the silence with sounds. I’d rather be in a relationship with someone that we can sit down and be quiet together
Or you can use literal sounds instead of words. My spouse and I have this thing going on where we make this kind of squeak/baloon sound with our mouth which has the same effect as “hi, nice to see you”.
Oh thank god my partner and I aren’t the only ones. Don’t get me wrong, we know and like that we’re weird, but it’s nice to have company.
Hahahaha I love hearing about other people’s microcultures
Or fuck.
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They did say “sometimes”, but it seems like you took that to mean “all the times”?
Everything is a balance and people are different anyways. I don’t know many people who like any of the extremes. But it’s a different amount for everyone. And the “partner” thing is strange anyways. As long as you’re madly in love, you probably enjoy hearing about every pea in their canteen meal. That might fade after 20 years of marriage. Or a stressful day at work. Or with kids. Or it doesn’t. Both is fine. As long as it’s consenting partners. 😆
The key to understanding is finishing the sentence.
“I hate small talk… with people I have no reason to talk to and don’t care about.”
I love my partner, and even when it’s small talk I can listen all day, just to hear their voice and learn a little more about them, to feel closer to the person I married in many small ways.
But I don’t care about what Jim at the laundry mat did last weekend, or which machine he thinks makes socks dry faster.
But small talk is what got you your wife. What if Jim can be your future if you just gave him the time
I kinda want to know about the sock thing.
So you’re a small talk person
Sock drying speed is important information, not time filler like the weather or sports.
The weather is life and death info
And Jim may have evidence to support his claim. This is important.
But I don’t care about what Jim at the laundry mat did last weekend, or which machine he thinks makes socks dry faster.
tough. :) here’s what he (might have) said: it’s the 2nd and 3rd dryers from the left. the smaller ones. you also need to use the smaller ‘double load’ front-loading washers. those have an extra extract cycle and get the most water out. the dryers used to literally only cost 25c to dry most loads (an extra quarter for all denim or something), but they (new owners of the laundry) increased the minimum needed per-load to $1.50 (on top of more than doubling the washers’ prices). greedy bastards.
Ha, jokes on them! I haven’t been in a relationship in about a decade and I don’t see that ever changing so I don’t need small talk!
…wait. Who’s the joke on?
:P
My wife is a VERY quiet person. She doesn’t say a lot but when she does it’s because she actually has something to say. This made me nervous when we were first dating but I’ve learned to embrace it. Silence is OK. She definitely talks more than she used to but we don’t have to talk all the time. Sometimes she just looks at me and smiles without saying anything and in those moments I know that I am loved.
She’s thinking of how she’ll dispose of the bodies. 😁
Of course they dont say stuff like that.
Great thinkers have been telling us that free will is an illusion for decades.
I mean, that would be ridiculous…
Its me, they’re talking about me aren’t they?
Sorry, what i meant to say was, I think there’s always at least two ways to go about things and, whatever side you fall on, you just have to follow your truth because, ultimately, you have to be true to yourself. I think thats all you can do really because, if you’re not being true to yourself, then you’re living a lie.
So, you’ve just got to do what you’ve got to do because, at the end of the day, it is what it is and that’s not going to change anytime soon.
I’ve heard some people talking about not being able to sustain meaningful relationships. Well, I don’t know much about that. But what I do know is that I enjoy the freedom of doing things my way and to just be me. If being against me not being me is wrong, then I don’t think I want to want to be right.
Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted of is it still “too big” for you, John?
Idk that I really do small talk OR do philosophical conversations with my partner but I’ll let you judge. Here’s the sort of things me and my partner say to each other throughout the day:
- wanna play [whatever co-op we’re into lately]? (Then several hours of strategy discussions)
- did you eat all the chips again you FUCKER followed by BITCH WHAT IF I DID YOU ATE ALL THE OREOS???
- If all dogs go to heaven do their people have to be there for it to be a dog heaven and does that mean hitler is in heaven because he had a dog?
- miscellaneous bitching about our jobs
- wanna fuck
- the dog pissed in the elevator again it’s your turn to go clean it
- did you see the sweater I put the cat in?
- Debates about whether or not a taco is a hot dog or vice versa
- how many toys do you wanna get out for the fucking and more importantly how many are you willing to clean
- that book you made me read is really melodramatic but I agree it’s about black mold.
- we should go visit the hot tub vs no it’s too fucking cold vs that is the point of it being a HOT tub
- wanna play cards against humanity with the cat
- debates about who will hold the cat while we trim her claws
- yelling at each other for being too loud while the other is sleeping and which offense is fundamentally more heinous (dayshifter vs nightshifter)
- discussing the biopunk visuals in lexx and how they would have made all the butthole windows out of fabric
- random nonsense words and noises like doing an entire karaoke bit but all the words are “doodoodoodoo doodley dooooot doo”
- discussions about farscape’s costuming department’s extensive use of bondage gear
- putting peanut butter on TOP of the dog’s snout then filming her
- what if we feel like we’re seeing God when we’re on mushrooms because the mushrooms ARE god and we’re all just fundamentally here to feed them
- blaming each other for the peanut butter thing to get the other person to clean it up
- talking about weird internet personalities like chrischan or the tile patterns guy
- calling each other old for stuff like heartburn after pizza or chronic injuries flaring up with the weather
Ok what is this melodramatic book about black mold? Any other fungus books you can recommend?
You can talk about ideas on what to do in the bedroom or kitchen instead of the weather. My girlfriend and I talk about the nature of the universe and consciousness quite often.
but seriously free will does not exist.
But I saw him jump over those rocks in the movie, Free Willy has to exist!
Someone once pointed out to me that what I consider small talk might be someone else’s important.
Sure it might seem like gossip or chat about the weather just for the sake of talking but it can equally be someone trying to say that they are lonely and need reassurance.
I think about that a lot and I’ve become a lot more tolerant. Besides, you can segue into some pretty big chat from such humble starts.
The issue is that a lot of small talk is superficial or even dishonest, like the stereotypical question of how you are. Because, no, they don’t actually want to hear about your problems. They want you to say “good and you?”, and will answer equally dishonest. It’s one of my biggest issues with it because I really don’t care about talking about things that none of us actually care about. If you don’t want to know how I am, don’t ask. If you have nothing better to say than moan about the weather (which is almost always either too hot, or too cold, or too rainy, or too snowy, etc), then don’t even bother with yapping me up.
This is a great way to think about it, goes along nicely with the idea that even the smallest acts of care can have a huge impact on someone’s day. Simply engaging with someone a little can be enough to make them feel better. It might even be fair to say it’s What We Owe To Each Other (for fans of moral philosophy, and/or The Good Place 😉).
I also had a workplace where the admin kept accusing us of “gossiping” about them. The misogynistic implications were not lost on a group of (mostly) female nurses who were actually mostly discussing how they were being horribly mistreated by their superiors. These people were really tryna act like we were bullying them; our bosses. YOU CAN’T BULLY YOUR BOSS.
I love small talk. It’s just noises that communicate emotion or very basic information, and it has a script!
